Whoa! Are my friends still here? Or was this the level of crazy that finally drove you all away?
Well, if you’re still here, friends, welcome back to the insane asylum. It’s now time to look deeper into the void.
Yes, it’s true. I’m a Christian, and have been my entire life. You might be wondering how that aligns with being an asexual transgender furry little. Aren’t all those an anathema to the Christian faith? Short answer. It’s complicated.
I was born into a Roman Catholic family. I was raised and loved by strong Christian parents who taught me right from wrong and what unconditional love truly looked like. My father and his brother married sisters, so our two sides were very close growing up. I had one younger brother and two cousins who were the same ages as my brother and me, and were like sisters to us. The four of us were raised in love and in faith. More than that, I saw it lived truthfully in my parents’ lived actions. There was never any hypocrisy.
In my mid-20s, I rededicated my life to Jesus and started attending a conservative Christian church. I can see the eyerolls now. Yes, THAT type of conservative Christian. Like so many other misunderstood things, that is another area that is frequently misunderstood. That misunderstanding isn’t helped by those from within the conservative Christian community who continually and habitually reinforce those misunderstandings, only to have their underlying hypocracies outed on local, national, or even international media.
When the global pandemic hit and America began to get more divided in politics than ever before, I left that church because they moved from being misunderstood to fully embracing the hypocrisy and straying from the Bible. I started attending a Christian Reformed congregation that still taught and followed the Truth. My heart is torn open seeing the fall of the evangelical community. People once named as friends have embraced the lies and are making Jesus hated among the people. For the first time, I can relate to the shortest verse in the Bible. “Jesus wept.” The ache I feel for my brothers and sisters in Christ cuts deeper than a sword piercing my heart.
Well, if you’re still here and haven’t written me off as a complete religious nutjob, thank you. Even if you do think I’m bonkers, but are still here, thank you. At least you haven’t written me off… yet.
So, I am Jessica. You’ve read my previous entries. You know who I am. How does that fly with me also saying I’m a Christian? Am I being a hypocrite? Some may say that, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I could write entire reflections and share the depths of my views here, and there may be some in the future that touch on this, but for this reflection, I’m keeping it light. This reflection is about what I believe and why, rather than trying to convince anyone of my beliefs.
Here it is in a nutshell. I believe the Bible is the literal Truth. I believe every single person is a sinner, and as sinners, we cannot enter into the presence of God. I believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him. Is there more to it than that? Yes and no. For salvation, that’s all there is to it, but salvation is also demonstrated as we live through a changed life. Only God knows who has truly accepted Him or not, and that alone is for God to judge. We can only see what people do, and that is what we should look at.
So many Christians use that to the point of twisting it to “hate the sin and love the sinner,” which is just a way to justify their own sins. While the underlying statement has truth to it, it isn’t applied correctly, and the world sees the misapplication even more clearly today, which drowns the Truth in the darkness of the ocean depths.
From a Biblical perspective. Sex is intended to be between a man and a woman in the bonds of marriage. Any type of sex outside of that is seen as a sin. This includes premarital sex, extramarital sex, and yes, even homosexual sex. You can lower the torches and pitchforks now. I see your anger and understand it completely. Christians use that very argument to call out those in the very communities I identify with. They do so while failing to apply that same passion to address the infidelity in their own lives, thereby reinforcing the hypocrisy. I’m not here to do that, and it is one of the things that bothers me deeply as well.
You can’t stand on both sides of the fence!
Yeah, yeah. I hear you. You would tell me that, regardless of which community you are a part of. From my perspective, that comes from a fundamental misunderstanding on all sides. I don’t claim to be an expert on this matter, and I may even be wrong in some of my assumptions, but God will be the ultimate judge of my actions in the end.
Being transgender is never once mentioned in the Bible. It has existed since the dawn of time, but the only thing mentioned is that God created humans, both male and female. That is true, and when he did that, he created them to be perfect. After Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, they were no longer perfect. Since that time, every one of us has been imperfect beings. There have been people born blind, deaf, intersexed, and so on. Proof that after the fall, we are no longer perfect creations. No, I am not saying being transgender is a birth defect; I’m saying the birth defects are examples of why there are differences beyond just male and female today. Granted, this view may not be popular in any of the communities, but it makes sense. It also reaffirms that being transgender is NOT a sin. Even those who choose to transition are not committing a sin. Even if they are from a Christian perspective, they should have the same rights as anyone else to live their lives in peace equally without persecution.
Furry, Little, Asexuality. Those other aspects that would be looked down on from a Christian perspective are also not sins. A popular Christian children’s program utilizes anthropomorphic vegetables to retell biblical stories. Christians play with children at the level of the child, returning temporarily to their own childlike states, whether they think so or not. Older Christians may find comfort in wearing diapers. A lack of sexual desire? The Bible even speaks of eunuchs for the Lord. So, again, how are any of these things sins? Why do Christians rail so strongly against them?
If you’re still here and not ready to drop a nuclear bomb on my head, you might be asking why I still call myself a Christian with all those issues I just mentioned. I have a very simple answer for that. I don’t just believe it to be true; I know it to be true. For me, it is as true as the fact that I am Jessica. I am Furry. I am Little. I am Asexual. It goes beyond simple belief to the very core of my being. I know it because I have actually seen Jesus and God moving throughout my life. Where I am today is nothing short of a miracle of God. Some might call it a series of lucky breaks, but I don’t believe in luck. Maybe I’ll go into details on these things in future reflections, but suffice to say for now, this is as non-negotiable as every other aspect of myself.
Yes, it is true, part of the reason I still live under my deadname is related to my faith. I don’t want to be alienated from the community that shares my faith. I don’t want to be alienated from family. That isn’t the only thing holding me back, but it is one of the reasons. If I were to do away with my deadname completely and fully embrace Jessica, I don’t believe that would be a sin, but at the same time, I personally don’t want to risk it. When it comes down to it, I can’t share any of these aspects of myself with other Christians, but they are not hidden from God. I stand firm in knowing that, despite what others might say:
I am Jessica. I am Little. I am Furry. I am Asexual. I am Christian. I am Saved.