Happy Thanksgiving to you, my friends.
Today is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. When many Americans think of Thanksgiving, they think of family gatherings with turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. OK, yeah, your mileage may vary. At least that’s what it is for me and my family.
This year, it is hard to see what to be thankful for. I grieve when I see how Christians who are supposed to be spreading the love of Christ are lost in a cycle of hate and political machinations. The air traffic controllers and other government workers who went without pay. Innocents getting swept up in immigrant raids and children getting lost in the shuffle. Families torn apart. The very freedoms this country was founded upon being crushed by our leaders and the sycophants who believe their lies. I have to be honest, it’s so hard to find the compassion but I do anyway, because that is what God would want. I am more bitter, more jaded, than I’ve been in a long time, but I still hold on to the Truth. I still try to see the best in people, and try to leave the politics at the door as much as I can. The right and the left have both gone over the edge, and they’re taking the rest of us down with them.
So, with all that in mind, I want to take this time to stop looking at the negative in the world, and focus on what I’m thankful for. I encourage my friends to do the same. There’s too much hate, let’s turn our focus to love instead.
Despite the struggles we’ve been through, I’m thankful for my wife. She and I have been through so much, and continue to go through challenges. Yet, we remain committed to each other, and to God. We love each other, and we’re there for each other, in good times and in the bad. I’m thankful she knows me as Jessica, even though she isn’t ready to accept or validate.
I’m thankful for my friends in Second Life. The ones who saw me before I had a name. The ones who don’t know my true name, only the name of my avatar. The ones who know and validate the little girl. Every one has helped me in ways that are too difficult to express. I may not have found my voice yet, if it weren’t for you. Thank you.
I’m thankful for my job. I was told I’d never be good enough, but, praise the Lord, I went above and beyond what I was told I couldn’t do. Even though my new position didn’t come with a pay raise (and probably never will), I’m thankful for it. The experience it is giving me is invaluable, and the team I’m working with is one of the best I’ve had the privilege to work with. They know me only under the shadow, but they value me and affirm my abilities. On top of it all, what I’m doing will be able to help children in the future, and that alone is worth so much more than a pay raise or co-worker validation.
I’m thankful for my family, and that I can still spend time with them. There’s no guarantee how much longer my parents will be around. My wife already lost her parents. Each moment is special and cherished. Our family is incredibly close. Yes, part of my reason for staying in the shadow is because of that relationship, but it is so important to me, I’m willing to make that sacrifice.
Most importantly, I’m thankful to God. People are failing me everywhere I look, but God has never failed me. He never will fail me. He has delivered me from darkness into light. Yes, I’m still living as the shadow, but that is not because of God. It is because of many other things. So, I don’t begrudge Him for that.
As my final word of thanks. I’m thankful I have a name. I am Jessica. For so long, I have been pushed down, ignored, and compartmentalized. Now, I am free. Little Jessica along with me. We have a voice, and we have a name. Yes, the shadow is still there, and I’m thankful for that as well. It’s not perfect, but the three parts are essential for me at this time. So, yes, I’m thankful.
And this may sound like an afterthought, but it isn’t. I’m thankful for you, my friends. Those who have read these entries and have chosen to see me as I am. You may not agree with my choices. You may think my faith is misguided. You may think I’m making a mistake living under the shadow. If you’re Christian, you may even think I’m walking a path of sin. Whatever you think, you are still here, still reading, and I’m thankful for that. God will be my judge, not man, and I continue to seek Him.
Thank you.
